Category: thoughts

  • Returning

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    These past few years have been a lot, haven’t they? I have found myself struggling to come up with the words to meet the moment we are living in. I have struggled to find the clarity to extend myself further outward. I have been recovering from physical illness and doing my best to care for my community, but it feels like we are at a pivotal crossroads as we watch the climate crisis causing devastation around the world, as wars unfold and the pain of our inhumanity to one another is laid bare. I am feeling the pull to be…

  • Strange anniversaries, or what happens when your world is blown apart

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    When you are at the beginning of a journey, there’s just no way to know what it will look like when you arrive.  As I reflect upon the journey/vision quest I’ve been on this past year, I had no concept for how I would be different or how I would know that I had, indeed, arrived.  What I’ve learned more than anything else is that it’s an ongoing process that doesn’t end unless you do. One year ago today, I began what would become one of the most bizarre weeks of my life.  I had been sick for a long…

  • Letter to myself at 7

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    I have been going through old journals, where I’ve scrawled hundreds of poems and scraps of thought, trying to gather work to create a cohesive manuscript.  It has been an interesting process of re-experiencing all of the stuck places that never seem to get unstuck (and so many that have moved on completely, revealing stunning clarity).  In one tattered notepad (I was very fond of steno books and “writing tablets” for a period during grad school), I found a lovely letter to myself at age seven.  It made me smile thinking of that little kid who was out wandering the…

  • Letting go of self hatred

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    Sometimes, we are wise enough to recognize when life is handing us something to free us of long-held patterns.  Sometimes, we circle around for years only to find ourselves where we started, at which point, we walk the same path until we have found what we need there and are ready to walk in a different direction.  The past few months have been full of revelations for me, openings to a consciousness I could never have imagined possible in my life.  I don’t know if turning forty changed something in my wiring, or if it was just time to wake…

  • Awaiting the Return of Spring

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    Through the snow, the slush, and the grey skies, our bodies are attuning to the flowing sap, the mud softening under our feet, and the flashy promise of spring’s return.  It’s hard to see through the 5 foot snow banks, ground blanketed in soft, white snow, but it’s there, calling.  The robins feel it, the geese feel it, and I can feel it in my skin as I notice the sun higher in the day and more westerly at sunset.  It’s all bubbling there under the surface and we are getting impatient with the pelting ice and blowing rain.  Come…

  • Turning inward, turning 40, and the outward spiral

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    In many ways, the last year has been a deep inward turning to sort out just what I wanted and needed, and how I imagined my life going forward.  From what I can tell, many of my friends and peers were doing the same thing. My introspection often led me to thoughts of mortality as I felt my health yo-yo between states of wellness and illness.  I have spent a lot of time working on coming to terms with what it means to live with a chronic dis-ease and how it shapes my relationships with others and my view on…

  • Riot of Spring

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    When last I posted, it was the dead of winter–grey some days, bright others, but the days were short and the darkness long.  Now, the days are nearing their longest, and while the sun still alternates heartily with rain, we are beginning to see the summer’s color and blooms begin. The birds are singing and scavenging, and the garden is alive with native bees, bumble bees, ants, and (yes, my favorite) slugs.  I have planted nearly everything I have room to plant, and now the task is to wait for it all to come up, mature, and bear the gifts…

  • Occupying sacred space

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    It has been a busy summer, one which I have meant to write about here, but it never quite happened.  I had hoped to share some of the things I have been preserving, about making flower essences and tea blends, about getting my permaculture design certificate and embarking on an advanced herbalist training this year, but as you can see, there has been little space in my life for reflecting in writing.   While this has been a summer of action, not reflection, the inward spiral of autumn has caught up with me.  I have been catching bits and pieces…

  • Magic in the woodlands

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    This morning, the sun was shining and the air was warm. It felt like spring after yesterday’s snow/rain extravaganza. I was grateful for the bright, clear day and looking forward to a foraging trip along a marsh in Scarborough. It has been a while since I worked my plant identification muscles, and I couldn’t wait to practice in this new locale. When my foraging partner called to cancel, I was disappointed, but decided to make something of my time alone. I live near several small patches of woods to which I can easily walk in a few minutes. I walked…

  • The new Congress and their radical anti-woman agenda

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    Yesterday, I took leave from work a little early to enjoy the sunshine and 40+ degree temperatures. I also needed to take some time away from my computer, which kept bringing me news of the anti-woman agenda of the United States House. I walked toward the little patch of woods near my house through deep puddles of snow melt on the sidewalk, looking at the dipping sun and the amazing ways it was reflecting on the trees. Suddenly, out of my reverie I was pulled by the loud call of a man out his car window, “YOU BITCH!!!!!!!” At first,…